THINGS I DID LEARN

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first,
the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children,
they will eventually get screwed up or arrested and end up in the local paper.

I've learned that no matter how much I care,
some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust,
and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others;
they are more screwed up (I have another word in mind) than you think.

I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do,
unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that contrary to what I said above,
sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down
will be the ones who do.

I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends,
because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon,
and all the less important ones just never go away.

Finally, I've learned to shrug off and forget
if people can't laugh at a joke I think is hilarious.